Christina Barrett

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

cont.

She said she'd dilate my eyes the next time, too.

Something special, too, was I wore a purple shirt. I used to be VioletEyes online. I had some blue sparkly nail polish and used that, too, but it's hard to get off because of the sparkles.

What People in Orlando Would Do to Ruin Your Day

Okay, so my mom was driving me to get my eye exam since I was sick. Also, she paid for it. We saw an African-American woman looking sarcastic, and to my mind came the "n" word. When I grew up, this word never reached my consciousness. I didn't really think of it. She seemed startled, but I wasn't looking at her. She could tell when we crossed. :( I thought she was snickering at me. Later, at the eye place I even thought of a feeling worse than any curse word. I can still kind of do it. I can feel it out in Orlando right now.

Okay ... So ... I got to the eye place, and, because of who I am, they acted like a little mean, like maybe said a word with an "n" in it on purpose. Oh my! I just had it come to mind because someone was trying to hurt me emotionally. Some things are okay, but I know this was out of place. I think everyone would think so.

So, I opened my contact lens case and it was a package, and I thought it wouldn't have what I need.

Anyway, I became upset when my eye doctor this time said she only dilates every 3 years normally when usually I get it every time. I thought she said that to mean gay. She explained this time why she wanted me to wear my old glasses at the computer, too. It was so I wouldn't get strained and shocked, like. We left the lens stuff at the place, and we were at Subway. She came in and gave it to us. It's funny she saw us there.

So, what was bad was I was thinking of curse words there. They could tell what it was, too.

Temper

I know I have one.

Oh no, I just lost it! Why do I have to be so negative? I think I'm so awkward from my racial problems that I can't help things that come up right now. I try to right it. I don't know why these things are in place in my subconscious.

I don't really need anything. I can do whatever I want. :| What I mean is I know that a lot of people act like they don't like me, but as long as I do nothing illegal and am nice in my attempts that nothing bad will come to me.

2 Things

Well, I never am mean to people even if they tortured someone and killed them...

Also, it's important for young people to not learn to curse. They can grow up with their own personality. :|

Monday, April 30, 2012

Wild and Crazy

The people in the U.S. who think they are more German are so literal that they miss the point.

Like, instead of saying that bad doesn't really exist though you go the full loop in dealing with things, they just think it's it. They think that the natural thing happens, that it's bad and people are in some sort of trouble. They don't think there's any answer in fair sight.

Police

If I had to keep remembering I called someone the "n" word because I thought they wanted me to for a weird reason, imagine if I was in school or had an intelligent job. How would I focus? I don't think it's possible. I thought I was on a sabbatical for a reason!

Why???

Why does it exist that we have a system where we group people into categories of who is of the caste of interacting with who? I think that would be a bit touchy. I am usually in a good caste, so I feel sorry for the others. In the end, people explode and say that the only reason they have problems is because they were treated unfairly, and then if they don't think your race is white enough they hurt you for being more privileged.

When to Try to Expel Bad Feelings

I was under the impression that thoughts of curse words are best to come up when more applicable, but that just makes the person feel guilty for something that's not their fault. It's best to get it over with before.

I find it best to not let these things come up so much. Eventually, the process can be eradicated.

MySpace Edit: Race

http://www.myspace.com/christina-barrett

Race
a little Native American indian
1|2 Chinese-Indonesian
Barrett-Barber, Barrett-Donahue-Noon, Barber-Work, Barber-Burkhart-Kifer, Work-Mortimer, Work-Long-Ross, Work-Shultz, Rickard
Barrett - Norman-Welsh-Irish
Donahue - Irish
Noon - Anglo-Irish
Barber - Scottish or English?
Work - northern Scottish islands
Burkhart - German
Kifer - Polish-German
Mortimer - Norman-English
Long - Norman-Irish?
Ross - Norman-English
Shultz - Swiss-German
Rickard - English
I am from Southeastern Florida, Northeastern Florida, Southeastern Florida, Northeastern Florida, a New Orleans suburb, and the Orlando area (Central Florida) and Orlando.
My dad is from Northwestern Pennsylvania and Southwestern New York state.

I updated a post.

Problems

I guess my temper has escalated. I started to think of curse words when someone treats me very badly in how I see they react to me. People got uncomfortable.

So, what happens is stuff escalates. I can't help but feel pity for people who must emit ill thoughts.

Contact Lenses

This is the 1st time I've worn contact lenses. I was there learning how to do it for like half an hour. This is the 1st time I've seen my face clearly with no glasses. I took a picture, but it looked much worse than in real life. To me, it's important to not wear glasses because no one would ever see what I look like. It's always been important to me. It's a little weird and feels different but is cool.

I deleted a post.

I switched back to my old blog.

I deleted 2 posts.

New Photo of Me

Flickr

Blah.

BLAH

Sleep Time

Maybe.

I might arise and post more, but ultimately I'm trying to go to sleep.

Settled

My issues are really settled, but some people had to go and make it public.

Toy

People think I'm a toy because I actually do things.

People Expected to Put on a False Front

I don't like people all in others's faces threatening them to act mean. I don't care if it's the devil himself.

It's like people were waiting for it to happen.

Why is this such sad news?

Not in the Package :|

No one's ever dissected if someone acts like they want you to use the "n" word on them through different ways.

Personal Space

People are starting to watch me more closely. I don't know how word travels around, when it shouldn't. Some things aren't that big of a deal. I can think however I want.

I knew it was a joke!

For some reason, I think the idea that Europe is superior to the U.S. is a joke.

Superiority

How can you have superiority in a situation when you don't know what you're doing?

When is being mean okay?

You can't be mean to someone for something they didn't do totally wrong.

It's never okay!

People think I did something wrong and act like that's grounds for being mean.

I have this strange thing ...

... I know what it is!

I do things right, and other people are downright nasty on the inside.

Manipulation

Why does everyone want to make up some way to say you did something wrong?

Greatness

I don't intend on changing my plans.

Cheap Attention

Fine! Get attention for something I didn't do.

I don't like it.

I don't appreciate it when everyone I see thinks the same thing. They don't click.

Expecting Weird Stuff From Me

I've been thought of as an over-perfectionist.

Colored People

They think they have authority over non-colored people.

I put my race back.

http://www.myspace.com/christina-barrett

Mua ha ha ha ha

African-American Habits With Others

Did you ever notice African-Americans over-identify with only some people and think they are standoff-ish with others? They always had a respectful distance from me before, but some are shaping up and being more friendly.

Stuff

I need to iron, take a shower, and do my nails. Sorry!

3 New Photos of Me

Flickr

MySpace Update: Tips for Karaoke Copyright

"Look up MIDI files to do karaoke and post online because they are not attached to the companies of the CDs. YouTube does recognize the copyright of the song, so save your files. I haven't had any with MIDI backgrounds deleted but have gone back to old accounts and found ones with CDs for karaoke deleted."

http://www.myspace.com/christina-barrett

Sunday, April 29, 2012

I'm having fun!

I'll be on Twitter in sometime.

Website Edit: Heading on Picture

I added where I forgot to add that I lived in northeastern Florida on a picture.

Me Through the Years

Why do people want me to call someone the "n" word?

If people so wish I did by my own will call someone the "n" word, rather than them acting like they really want me to do it, that proves that the other people are guilty because that's what they wish happened. Also, if the people on the other side wish that, as well, that proves that they did it, really did symbolically wish for me to do that. I think it was more than just the subconscious.

Not Heartfelt

I can dictate to someone my best wishes, but people seem to think I'm not heartfelt.

Others's Problems

Why do people go blaming their racial problems on me?

Dealing With Things

I might not get what I want, but I know I'm right. I don't think people should be mean to someone just because they used the "n" word. They might have to to keep them from using it again. People walk by me and think of racist things, though. That's why I don't like Orlando in a lot of ways. I just assume it makes them weaker as a person and they don't know what to do.

Just Because It's Me

I know people are mean to me just because it's me.

How does this [really] work?

Why should I pretend to be guilty for the sake of someone else?

Violence

People are violent around me because they can tell I am guilty of things but that are misunderstandings and awkward situations. I did post about them in my blog but didn't feel like pinning them to my website. I guess it's something that should pass.

Interesting Topic

I wonder if someone acted like they wanted me to call them the "n" word because I was going to. I'm sure though I wouldn't have if I didn't think they wanted me to. That's something lodged in my subconscious.

MySpace Update: I added a new magic thing that happened to me this morning.

It's #10 right now.

http://www.myspace.com/christina-barrett

Forget It

You can't hope I wanted to call someone that and then make me suffer all the time for it. I'm forgetting it!

Hello, People

I'm not the one who even wanted to use the "n" word. I thought some other people wanted me to.

Getting Skinny

I wonder how people get skinny.

I'm guessing they keep buying salads.

It seems rich people have nice places to stay so spend a lot of time not gaining stress fat and feeling like they deserve a lot, whereas other people don't. If you have something, it's yours to enjoy. There are lots of ways to slim the bill, but I don't know how worthy I am of spouting that statement. I had to give up a college career, which dones on my self-worth. That means I have no options. I can't get hired, neither, but I don't want to try right now.

I know there are lots of rich people who are at least partially obese, though. They don't live in a perfect world. Most of them probably are high business men with rigorous schedules and nights a the office, but who knows.

I guess people in show business and their families are doing what a normal person would like, getting nice things and expressing oneself to one's utmost.

MySpace Edit: I took down my race.

Mental Reaction

I find now I always have to react with something concrete, which actually is a curse word or something bad but otherwise not too bad.

Things That Enter the Realm of My Mind

I find that, if I don't want to curse but curse words keep entering my subconscious, it only comes hard like once a lot of times and then I forget it. Sometimes, it pops up after something happens. What doesn't work also is going around thinking about others, "You're NOT *beep*." They know it comes up. Sometimes, I don't think anything, and then "You're *beep*," comes up and I have to fix and say "not." That's often a light onset.

Things only enter me at a somewhat shallow level. I notice now for some reason it's actually quite thick and solid instead of more abstract and spacious.

5 New Pictures of Me

Flickr

I deleted a post on my blog.

MySpace Edit

I added that I am part real Irish.

I edited my last post.

MySpace Edit: Race

I added the word "inventions" with a colon to designate the inventions of my ancestors under the race section.

MySpace Edit: Race

I took down a lot of stuff and added a detail about inventions.

http://www.myspace.com/christina-barrett

MySpace: Edit

I added that Barber could also be Scottish.

I'll probably also take a shower.

Nah.

Maybe, I'll have brunch and then maybe post on IMDb.

TV

I guess I'll catch up on a TV show I try not to miss more than most.

Post Edit

In my last post, I changed "acceptable" to "accepting."

How to Go Through Setting the Standard

I can't believe to what extreme people find me guilty and punishable.

I wish someone didn't act so much like they wanted me to call them the "n" word. I am accepting to the fact that some people grew up thinking it's literally what's right because it's a valuable word with none other like it. People who are afraid of it have insecurities. I wouldn't use it because it's not polite. It's not really a risk.

MySpace Edit

I changed the 2nd mention of "Native American" to "Native American indian" like I did in the 1st mention.

How can somebody feel mad about doing something to others?

What makes someone get in a rage about something you did to someone else? Is it when people use that person as a tool?

I added a link to my last post

for quintessence.

Family

I absolutely hate it when anyone outside of my family tries to change it because it always goes wrong.

Superiority Complex

Why would someone say that something that's okay for you to do that they do bad is not okay for someone else and use them as a prop to say they are in a higher position then?

Rebelling

Why would someone who did something wrong before you did think they have an assertive control over you in a bad way?

Negative Suggestions

If more intelligent conversation is needed and all there is to talk about is negative things, why do people even think you have time to make new negative suggestions?

Something That's Not Okay

If something wasn't okay before and people happen to act mad at you for doing something you thought someone wanted you to do, does that mean it's still not okay?

Changes Things

If someone does something wrong to you and they happen to act mad at you for doing something you thought someone wanted you to do, is doing the same thing they did wrong before okay?

Emotional Feelings

I don't like people thinking you didn't will something fully for someone else when you know you did. They think you need to go all perverted and show more emotioanl feelings. That's not what emotional feelings are for.

MySpace Edit

I reordered and reformatted my race.

http://www.myspace.com/christina-barrett

MySpace Edit

I numbered more of my information.

http://www.myspace.com/christina-barrett

Star Interactions Website Edit

I edited that Johnny Depp said hi to me on Twitter and that Helena Bonham Carter followed me on Twitter was in 2011|2012 instead of being sure it was 2011.

MySpace Edit - I added Star Interactions.

It's around the middle bottom and in bold.

http://www.myspace.com/christina-barrett

MySpace: Magical Things Edit

I added that the "Ghost Adventures" thing was during the day.

http://www.myspace.com/christina-barrett

Okay...

...I'm going to finish folding my laundry and watch the rest of 2 episodes of "The Ellen Degeneres Show."

MySpace Edit: I added a new thing to Magical Things That Have Happened to Me to the bottom of the About Me section.

It's number 9 right now and about the jogging at night.

http://www.myspace.com/christina-barrett

I guess I forgot to add one magic thing.

I'm going to go finish watching the rest of 2 episodes of "The Ellen Degeneres Show."

MySpace Edit: I added Magical Things That Have Happened to Me to the bottom of the About Me section.

http://www.myspace.com/christina-barrett

"The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe" - Spoiler

Highlight to read: In The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, the older man believes that the youngest girl is telling the truth. It's also because she always tells the truth, the 2 older kids say, and the other kid who says she is lying doesn't.

How to Deal With the Truth

It's funny when you find all evidence leading to the truth, like someone, who did something someone wanted them to that they didn't want to do because usually it isn't nice, is clearly innocent and you know for a fact that, other than the incident of someone else wanting them to do something, they are more in the right than someone else.

There's the thing where since, you shouldn't have done it, you shouldn't even justify that you didn't mean it and act like the other person is guilty for wanting you to do it.

Sides

It isn't polite to tell someone like me who tries to act European in America thatI'm not as much of a person from reality like supposedly Europe must be and not as European when it's clear I've always tried to just be very European.

On my part, there's only so much I can do. I suppose part of it is that my mom isn't European. I just don't have anything I can compete with.