Monday, May 7, 2012
I just watched a bunch of episodes of "The Ellen Degeneres Show."
I watched all the episodes with Reese Witherspoon. I don't mean to be too forward, but Reese Witherspoon was born in New Orleans because her father was going to school there. She moved to Germany for 4 years and then Tennessee. Ellen Degeneres is from a suburb of New Orleans. I lived in a suburb of New Orleans when I was 12-19. It hasn't shaped who I am much. Well, Ellen Degeneres moved to Texas when she was 16 but went to college in New Orleans. So did I, but I didn't finish and we moved because of the hurricane. So, I was pretty much as mature as I ever was when I was 11. I wonder if it's because I moved that I stopped. I did change and have personal experiences, but I was alone a lot. I felt identity-less. I ended up looking like different types of stereotypes as the years went on. I did develop as an adult there and got into personality, like from books, because in Florida before I moved I got into the quizzes in popular magazines. I started things like theater and got back into some ballet. I was very busy in high school, but I wish I weren't, now. It was kinda worth it, but I should have not stopped eating healthily in high school. I think my mom tried to stop me, but I was unstoppable. I thought the little lunches they sold were cute, and I never had the main meals in the cafeteria because I had clubs at lunch. The main ones I hold onto in memory are drama and laureate, which were quite awesome the 1st year, for me, actually. Things were sorta okay the 1st year, but I wasn't into the right things. I followed my roots of liking all the arts and became a romantic type, actually. 1 saving grace is my holding onto my nasally voice. I think I've always had 1. It's just an attractive way to be, and I'm selfish enough to achieve it is all. No one takes me seriously, though. Maybe, that's why. I sometimes try to sound like I can get out of it, but I can't. It's a real stuck thing. I don't play with it alone, neither. I think if I never moved to the New Orleans area that I would be playing with it right now. Okay, I'm back. What was I talking about?... Oh, yes, New Orleans. So, I don't know what train of thought I was on. I guess my problem was always food. I dieted when I was almost 16. It was hard. I ate like natural foods and stuff. I did get pretty skinny. I had another phase of being healthy when I was 18 and 19, too. I ate a lot when I was 18 of healthy food. When I was 19 and home from college for the summer, I slimmed up some even more. I was getting more sleep. I came home from college and got more sleep later on, but I had gained a lot of weight from doing ballet instead of the gym and not eating extremely healthy. So, anyway, I guess I needed more food, but I was was 16 and wanted to be a princess, not a tomboy. I guess I should have just eaten more healthily more often and changed my schedule to something else. My mom made good supper. She packed me good lunches, too. I lost a lot of sleep so at the time didn't prepare my own food much.
Sunday, May 6, 2012
A Little Less Social
I had something happen in my sleep that made me not feel the same. I guess it's similar to what I experienced when I was awake. I just feel a little less social. I do still feel like interacting and thinking. It's just different. I feel inhibited in what I do. It's fine. I just have to deal with it.
Why do people think something "needs to 'happen?'"
It's because they are caught in guilt, ironically. I guess it just keeps getting worse and worse. What can that mean for the people on top, that life has become purposeless and period-based?
What can we do about the situation?
Things were okay before, but sometimes they are a little annoying.
People seem to forget what they just said.
I don't really want to come off as mean...
Anyway, I don't know. I try not to let things get to me.
I was about to do something else today, too.
Anyway, I don't know. I try not to let things get to me.
I was about to do something else today, too.
Why do people think something is happening to me?
I am fine with what happened. I just don't like the way people have turned and treated me. I bet people think I deserve this. I bet they're even glad it happened. I feel uncomfortable, anyway, though.
People act like none of this ever happened.
People just act like none of this ever happened and start to act mean toward me, like there's something I did wrong that they don't want to deal with and that they'd even prefer to let me do it then have to intervene.
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