Trying to Make Good People Bad

I feel like people have tried to tell good people they are being too good and that it's silly to be afraid of doing certain things emotionally.

It's true, though, that some people do things that are slightly wacky just to make things more fun.  It doesn't seem like the traditional thing to do, and I wonder if it's really the right thing to do.

Practice doesn't always make perfect.

That's if you do it the wrong way.

There's no reason to rebel and act like you have to get something out on someone else.

I also heard some kids outside screaming.

They were screaming randomly.

Noise

It's not garbage day.  Maybe, it's recycling day.  I saw across the street an African-American in like a garbage truck.  He like slammed the ground a few times after about 10 minutes.  It was so loud and startling.  It definitely affected me physically.  I was just in the kitchen making supper.  I don't usually do all of supper because my mom choses what she does and I wait for her in the evening and help if I'm not asleep.

Why didn't I think further?

I don't think I could.  I should have known that even if someone wanted me to do something bad that they would get into more trouble if I did it.  I mean if it was something I was doing to them, just to see me do it or maybe to tell others I did it.  Maybe, they had nothing to do.  Yea, I've seen people dare others to do things.  It's just silly stuff, nothing like robbing a bank.  You have to be careful because someone could tell the police if you do something funny to them.  You can say they told you to do it, but it still wouldn't be a good experience.  I took a lie detector test for fun.  I don't know if they asked me anything.  This was when I was 13, I think.

Medicine

In a way, it's too bad I went to the mental hospital.  The medicine helped give me a brain tumor.

It was probably why I fell asleep when I was about to get a profile on IMDb and missed it.

I figured it out!

I'm getting profile # 34343434 since I missed profile # 33333333!

If I miss that, I can get profile # 43434343.  I think I want this one, anyway.  I wonder what will happen to my friends list.

The Dog

The dog started acting friendly again.

5 New Pictures of Me

Flickr

Race

Why is it important for people to affirm their race in retrospect to someone who has part non-European?

On the Edge

Some people still have to size me up as though I did nothing wrong.  Like, they have to justify why they didn't actually just think up for me a complete insult.

Hurt

People let others do things they wouldn't do without their consent, people can tell, to others.  It turns out that people who aren't as close to you try to act like they are closer to you and affect your situation more.

Because of One's Faults

Because of one's faults, one can't|shouldn't torture others for having it better just because you wonder what you're worth, when you know perfectly well there are other people in other positions that are not so good and you leave them alone instead out of feer or for some reason some kind of respect.

My Brother's Dog

It seemed hurt from being a dog and started to make me feel uncomfortable. It was hurt from being a pet and not an individual. It doesn't have the same needs as humans. It chose to turn on me because I live with my parents and don't work and get to see lots of movies at the movie theater and go out with my dad and stuff a lot. Like, I have fun and am getting good attention from my parents and online. He just is the dog, sleeps and goes outside and eats and drinks. It surprises me how occupied he seems and how much he seems to understand. So, he's really affected me. Like I said, my mom used to put him in their room, which makes it smell. The dog wouldn't come in when it was a little rainy because he knows when he's wet I trap him in the porch. He seemed pretty mad, and under his breath it sounded like he said "the door" kinda like a horse being a little tortured. He seemed defiant to me a bit. He backed up on his back legs and was down on his front legs kind of writhing his head. I like keeping him outside, but he always wants to come in sometimes after not a very long time. I might have to confine him to my parents's bedroom.

I'm kind of sad.

Things could have gone so much better.  I want profile 33333333!

How People Are Around Me

People can't just wish they could be mean to you for a reason that exists when what happened was, like, I was really sent signals to call someone the "n" word, signaled by herself.

People are being mean to me racially as an excuse for me to stop mattering in anything I say.  I know this is totally unfair.

It seems that every time Johnny Depp comes out with another huge movie that something like this happens.  He's a good guy.  I don't understand everyone's jealousy.  I know that's also a sin, like not realizing that I didn't even do anything literally that needs to be forgiven but that needs to be forgotten because I didn't do it out of my own suggestion.  It was out of the suggestion of who I did it to.  Other people are the ones doing the deed to be mean to me.

It seems people are upset that I feel more comfortable with Johnny Depp, in a way, partly because I got used to being a fan as of now.  I'm also from the same area partly.  I'm guessing they think it's unfair in and of itself that for some reason he's very risque to them because they want to feel that way.  That's how I feel now, in generality.  I don't think people should play around in such a bad way with things Johnny Depp does that consider different in general that they didn't do before they knew him because that's been a specific trend going on.

I just felt some of a good feeling, though, like a feeling of being in another world, I suppose where no one can harm me.  It was a line of flesh pumping up the side of my waist that felt like it wasn't me doing it.

I'm tired of people thinking they need to suggest some insult to me when supposedly none was suggested to them for something similar.

I think people just want to embarrass me and make me feel uncomfortable.  They won't stop, even if I try to forget about them.  I hope things change and get better.

People can't be so possessive of what they do in learning how to hate me, neither.  They think it's something they have to do.  Lots of people call people the "n" word when it wasn't because someone acted like they wanted to be called that.  True, it might be different kinds of people, though, but that's another reason this is so awkward for me.  People understand it was a misunderstanding or not, meaning they wanted me to do it, which seems to be what's surfacing unspoken-ly, so why not just realize that and stop bothering me?  I know somewhat it's a safety precaution.  I have to look into that it's for the fact that they might accidentally call me something more strongly.  I've been a bit harmed, though, somehow, too.  People just have to have it.

Do people feel bad about something you thought and that they did ask for?  They just pretend these feelings weren't true?  ... or am I wrong?

If there were more reasons to do something, that doesn't mean the person is wrong if there is an underlying reason otherwise.

Also, if you don't like something about a parent, it doesn't mean the child has to be like the parent was.

Forced Into Not Feeling Good

All ways of being stimulated don't come with ecstasy.

Saying Someone Did Something That You Consider Not Bad

Well, if it's something bad and you're too embarrassed to give all the information, things could get messy.  I mean if it was just a misunderstanding.  I thought someone was giving me signals to call them the "n" word, and I'm pretty sure they were.  I don't think everyone would be treated as I am if they did that and that if they did that it would be for a bad reason.  I thought they just wanted me to participate in losening up.  I didn't want to.  It feels that if I did for a bad reason I'd be in trouble.  In a way, my life still goes on, in some ways better than it should and in others, well, losing profile 33333333, not so good.

Suggestions

People make suggestions that are too intense of people who aren't mean enough to me or so.  They think I'm not worth it.  No one should even be testing to have these things happen.  I can't do anything to get out of this, and no one cares.  It's not even my fault.  If it were, I bet people would be so overwhelmed they'd be tempted to do the same thing.  Actually, I think people would leave it alone as done.  Maybe, they think I'll do something bad.  It doesn't seem like it, though.  The insults are starting to catapult elsewhere.  It doesn't seem appropriate.  It doesn't make sense to do that all of a sudden.

IMDb Profile

I guess I will try for 33443344 and use that until I think of another number.  I so wish I didn't fall asleep and set my cell alarm wrong when I was supposed to try for 33333333.  I want something that looks like hearts.  At first, I thought I wanted 33443344.  My favorite number, as I said, is 322.  It's been my number since the internet started to get popular.  My profile number now is 33223322.  So, I dunno, this one looks good, too.  Maybe 34343434, too.