Thursday, April 26, 2012
How People Are Around Me
People can't just wish they could be mean to you for a reason that exists when what happened was, like, I was really sent signals to call someone the "n" word, signaled by herself.
People are being mean to me racially as an excuse for me to stop mattering in anything I say. I know this is totally unfair.
It seems that every time Johnny Depp comes out with another huge movie that something like this happens. He's a good guy. I don't understand everyone's jealousy. I know that's also a sin, like not realizing that I didn't even do anything literally that needs to be forgiven but that needs to be forgotten because I didn't do it out of my own suggestion. It was out of the suggestion of who I did it to. Other people are the ones doing the deed to be mean to me.
It seems people are upset that I feel more comfortable with Johnny Depp, in a way, partly because I got used to being a fan as of now. I'm also from the same area partly. I'm guessing they think it's unfair in and of itself that for some reason he's very risque to them because they want to feel that way. That's how I feel now, in generality. I don't think people should play around in such a bad way with things Johnny Depp does that consider different in general that they didn't do before they knew him because that's been a specific trend going on.
I just felt some of a good feeling, though, like a feeling of being in another world, I suppose where no one can harm me. It was a line of flesh pumping up the side of my waist that felt like it wasn't me doing it.
I'm tired of people thinking they need to suggest some insult to me when supposedly none was suggested to them for something similar.
I think people just want to embarrass me and make me feel uncomfortable. They won't stop, even if I try to forget about them. I hope things change and get better.
People can't be so possessive of what they do in learning how to hate me, neither. They think it's something they have to do. Lots of people call people the "n" word when it wasn't because someone acted like they wanted to be called that. True, it might be different kinds of people, though, but that's another reason this is so awkward for me. People understand it was a misunderstanding or not, meaning they wanted me to do it, which seems to be what's surfacing unspoken-ly, so why not just realize that and stop bothering me? I know somewhat it's a safety precaution. I have to look into that it's for the fact that they might accidentally call me something more strongly. I've been a bit harmed, though, somehow, too. People just have to have it.
Do people feel bad about something you thought and that they did ask for? They just pretend these feelings weren't true? ... or am I wrong?
If there were more reasons to do something, that doesn't mean the person is wrong if there is an underlying reason otherwise.
Also, if you don't like something about a parent, it doesn't mean the child has to be like the parent was.
Saying Someone Did Something That You Consider Not Bad
Well, if it's something bad and you're too embarrassed to give all the information, things could get messy. I mean if it was just a misunderstanding. I thought someone was giving me signals to call them the "n" word, and I'm pretty sure they were. I don't think everyone would be treated as I am if they did that and that if they did that it would be for a bad reason. I thought they just wanted me to participate in losening up. I didn't want to. It feels that if I did for a bad reason I'd be in trouble. In a way, my life still goes on, in some ways better than it should and in others, well, losing profile 33333333, not so good.
Suggestions
People make suggestions that are too intense of people who aren't mean enough to me or so. They think I'm not worth it. No one should even be testing to have these things happen. I can't do anything to get out of this, and no one cares. It's not even my fault. If it were, I bet people would be so overwhelmed they'd be tempted to do the same thing. Actually, I think people would leave it alone as done. Maybe, they think I'll do something bad. It doesn't seem like it, though. The insults are starting to catapult elsewhere. It doesn't seem appropriate. It doesn't make sense to do that all of a sudden.
IMDb Profile
I guess I will try for 33443344 and use that until I think of another number. I so wish I didn't fall asleep and set my cell alarm wrong when I was supposed to try for 33333333. I want something that looks like hearts. At first, I thought I wanted 33443344. My favorite number, as I said, is 322. It's been my number since the internet started to get popular. My profile number now is 33223322. So, I dunno, this one looks good, too. Maybe 34343434, too.
Guilt
When there's something it feels like you should do for awhile and then it turns out it's "something not to do," it doesn't seem that anything should be available of yours to others to be taken away, like emotionally. I mean, I never do anything totally wrong. I find people are thinking they can do stuff to me emotionally right and left. I seem to have this problem because I have awkward misunderstandings and stuff.
What to Do, What to Do
I just finished ironing my laundry. I'm wondering if I should watch the Ellen Show or camp out in my room catching up on "The Secret Circle" until it's time for me to get supper ready around 4:00 P.M. or 4:30 P.M. I may end up heating the supper partly in a little oven and then post on IMDb. I guess, when I catch up on "The Secret Circle,) I'll be able to watch the Ellen show more often. I dunno, I could get supper ready and watch the Ellen show. I dunno, maybe I need to reflect. I feel kinda bad. I was sleeping through getting the number 33333333 on IMDb because my cell alarm wasn't set at the right time. I was pretty tired when I set it that time. I should have counted better and gotten more sleep earlier. I'm not as excited about waiting for another number. I really wanted that one. :'(
I'm pretty good.
People are always acting mean around me and seem to be cursing at me in their heads.
Something to Do About Something
People act like there's something you can do about things, when there isn't. In reality, there has to be, but sometimes it doesn't happen right away, if not often.
Other Race
Why would someone act as though they are the scum of another race, when that race can represent what it really is supposedly in a positive way?
The Chinese weren't the ones who hurt the Jews.
Jews use the Holocaust as a tool to say they deserve more pity than the Chinese, even though I know for instance I'm Chinese-Indonesian and we've been murdered in our homes AND told we are the most hated people, before the Holocaust.
So, it's used as a tool for the Jews to say they're better than the Chinese, as though the Chinese were the ones who killed the Jews.
So, I'm pretty jealous of the Jews because they are like the Middle Easterners. If I have Jew blood from my dad's mom, I'm okay, though.
So, it's used as a tool for the Jews to say they're better than the Chinese, as though the Chinese were the ones who killed the Jews.
So, I'm pretty jealous of the Jews because they are like the Middle Easterners. If I have Jew blood from my dad's mom, I'm okay, though.
Something New
Have you ever really heard of your conscience telling you you have to be mean to someone that much for having a misunderstanding and doing something wrong? I think it all connects to race and jealousy if someone is going to be too mean.
You can dis the crime but not the person.
You can dis the crime but not the person.
Losing in Relationships
Whenever I feel it's like you're supposed to say something risqué because you're feeling awkward, though you don't want to, you know though like just this once until things smooth out ... like, someone can tell what you did even if there's like no way they could know literally.
"White"
Why would someone consider being less white to being more white than you when you actually like being "white?"
Getting Back for Nothing
People who have the wrong values think that one of said values is broken that they can do something wrong and cloak it as doing the same thing you did to them.
Well...
Now, is my big time to catch up on my personal life, and I just feel some people are in my face, if not most people I see.
Do you ever feel people are coming to get you?
Like, 1st, they try to hide that they want what you have. Next, they embarrass you. Then, they think they can hide getting from you what they consider payback.
It's like why are they in my life?
It's like why are they in my life?
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