Monday, May 7, 2012
Out for the Evening|Night!
So, I'm going to the store with my dad. I'll probably come home and jog. Then, it's my daily call to my grandma! I'll be on Twitter by around midnight and probably be up on IMDb and my blog. Also, I'll watch "The Ellen Degeneres Show" tonight after midnight.
Glasses
I got my new glasses, today. I was supposed to get my new contact lenses, but I wasn't using my practice ones and so had to wait.
Crazy
Supposedly, I don't count because I'm a crazy half-Chinese who can do anything with little substance.
Subduing|Avoiding
I guess, sometimes, I just can't help certain things from entering my mind. However, I have the choice not to let it get to me. People think there's always feasible end in sight.
Drudging Along With the Guilt
If only this didn't happen, I might be happy. I mean thinking 2 parents wanted me to call their 2-year-old daughter the "n" word.
I'm not entirely sure if people are over it with me. I think not. I might be able to coast by without interacting much, but people in Orlando always want to interact in a strange way. Actually, it's nice to hear the cars go by, but, in real life, people are funny. A lot of them actually are pretty Orlando cut and polished, but nobody's perfect.
I'm not entirely sure if people are over it with me. I think not. I might be able to coast by without interacting much, but people in Orlando always want to interact in a strange way. Actually, it's nice to hear the cars go by, but, in real life, people are funny. A lot of them actually are pretty Orlando cut and polished, but nobody's perfect.
Feeling It
I've been treated pretty trashily, you know, if someone "feels" like it, since 2 parents wanted me to call their 2 -year-old daughter the "n" word.
I thought it was wrong to be suggestive.
I thought that kids are bad because it's just a mood. I'm not terribly bad, and if I seem so I'm just trying to poke fun, though I suppose there's nothing in it. I feel I've lost freedom. I do want to be good, though, and am happy my parents are helping me achieve that dream.
So, I'm watching "The Ellen Degeneres Show" online.
There are 3 videos from what's going to be today's episode.
There is an African-American lady from mid|northwestern Pennsylvania with 3 kids, but she's a single mom. She's here for Mother's Day week. She struggles and can't pay for her kids at things like book fairs and field trips and feels so bad. Something else is she's so happy she gets to watch "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" every day! Wow, she so deserves to be on the show. Technically, the live studio audience also sees her every day, I presume.
Anyway, so she gave another family a car. I would feel embarrassed about a car. Ever since I was like 11, actually, I've shied away from luxury. I lived in the oldest city in the U.S. and wanted to wear old-fashioned dresses and boots. It became a fixation, and I fasted when I was 16, though it cost me my grades and sensibility at school. Oh, and, actually, it's more like a truck. We started getting nicer things when I got older, and sometimes I felt like grumpy about it. I shouldn't have acted that way. I remember dreading the idea of ever becoming famous and well-known, as well, but, for some reason, now I don't. It does seem sad, though. It's not that I want a traditional job in business. I just want to experience certain things. I don't think I will. Pretty much, if you want to be an actor, you probably have a good chance because people are so open and the acting industry is so easy and there's so many movies and other opportunities, like modeling, when which you could move up to be in movies. It seems like there's not room for everyone, and we focus a lot on what's in the movie theaters, maybe, or, at least, I do.
Okay.
There is an African-American lady from mid|northwestern Pennsylvania with 3 kids, but she's a single mom. She's here for Mother's Day week. She struggles and can't pay for her kids at things like book fairs and field trips and feels so bad. Something else is she's so happy she gets to watch "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" every day! Wow, she so deserves to be on the show. Technically, the live studio audience also sees her every day, I presume.
Anyway, so she gave another family a car. I would feel embarrassed about a car. Ever since I was like 11, actually, I've shied away from luxury. I lived in the oldest city in the U.S. and wanted to wear old-fashioned dresses and boots. It became a fixation, and I fasted when I was 16, though it cost me my grades and sensibility at school. Oh, and, actually, it's more like a truck. We started getting nicer things when I got older, and sometimes I felt like grumpy about it. I shouldn't have acted that way. I remember dreading the idea of ever becoming famous and well-known, as well, but, for some reason, now I don't. It does seem sad, though. It's not that I want a traditional job in business. I just want to experience certain things. I don't think I will. Pretty much, if you want to be an actor, you probably have a good chance because people are so open and the acting industry is so easy and there's so many movies and other opportunities, like modeling, when which you could move up to be in movies. It seems like there's not room for everyone, and we focus a lot on what's in the movie theaters, maybe, or, at least, I do.
Okay.
Processing Your Reaction
So, if someone makes you mad, supposedly, you're bad and can't process your reaction?
Nowhere is all nice.
Orlando itself isn't the only place that has to be bad. I probably had a hard time adjusting.
Orlando is not England.
I always thought it was the reason for my problems. I wonder if they ... no, they literally just want to get it out. They're not mean to me for fun.
Anticipation
I can't believe there is no answer to 2 parents wanting me to call their 2-year-old daughter the "n" word online 1 - 3 years ago and I deleted it quickly. I'm just guilty? Oh no! It doesn't really make sense to me. I just know, if I thought they wanted me to, that's grounds for not even acting like I did it on purpose, which should be forgivable. I'm pretty sure Jesus would forgive me, but Jesus also is a bit strict and probably would give me a punishment, even if I think I'm sorrry.
Talking
I always was mad I had nothing to read. Now, I post on IMDb. You know, I used to go through e-mails very quickly. It was the same with IMs. Now, I have to be very careful in everything I do. It's laborious. It's just not the fastest way to communicate.
The Difference Between the New Orleans Area and Northeastern Florida
When I had only lived in southeastern and northeastern Florida, I had one view of reality. I did go up north to visit relatives in southwestern New York state and northwestern Pennsylvania. Anyway, it was kinda like a feeling of never living but functioning. When I moved to the New Orleans area, all of a sudden it was different. It was hard, at first, maybe. It just felt more physical. When I went to Cleveland for college during a hurricane, that was the most physical I've ever felt. I even experienced magic. It was just a dream come true. New Orleans was the most real place I've been to. Florida is kinda dreamy...
No Offense
Oh, so some people are offended at people who have something in common but who are essentially very different and even the opposite.
Suffering
Can you believe some people are so bitter they don't care about human suffering unless they have to?
Suggestions
I'm tired of people being suggestive to me because I've always tried to be perfect and succeeded. Why do you think I'm seeing all these ghosts, now?
I'm tired of other people's problems!
I don't need to be babied into things. I don't need to be given suggestions.
Overly-Excited
I can't believe how excited people are to even totally knock out their kids if they're not mean to me because 2 parents wanted me to call their 2-year-old daughter the "n" word. What part of it wasn't me doesn't make sense, yet?
Losing Interest
I'm glad I'm losing interest in some things, like being stimulated like I'm still 3.
Some Things
Some people really don't get some things. It just goes over their head in a certain way.
A lot of people experience things in their own way before they see you but get mad they don't also experience them in the way you do.
A lot of people experience things in their own way before they see you but get mad they don't also experience them in the way you do.
Still Filling Out
It would be ideal if I could perform a different practice, but, at 25, I'm still filling out. I wonder what happens to people when they are older.
What Matters|Counts
Some people have total control over what happens. I wonder if that comes with practice. That's what I've found. I didn't like being lots of different ways. I finally was who I wanted after a long time. I don't understand when I moved that I started to look so different, though I started to change before when I knew I was leaving. I was somewhat miserable already.
Good and Bad
I was literally giving up something when the parents wanted me to call their 2-year-old daughter the "n" word. Certain kinds of people should feel sorry for me, but normal, good people should be more avoiding and critical of me. I shouldn't be getting attention for it. I'm kinda trying to forget it, and, in a way, I have, somehow.
I mean, like, bad people should feel sorry for me. It's just the feeling I get.
I think about it more and realize that there's always another answer to that. It's just that there's always something else.
I mean, like, bad people should feel sorry for me. It's just the feeling I get.
I think about it more and realize that there's always another answer to that. It's just that there's always something else.
I guess I was right.
Some things aren't just "there." It's true. I can be right. You have to figure them out.
Need to Let Up
It's not so bad when I say something because I never had problems with anyone before the parents wanted me to call their 2-year-old daughter the "n" word. That's my only problem. :| I know some people are over it, but it's dangerous to be on my side in any way. It's best to let up.
What's the point?
No one spends life torturing anyone emotionally, even in prison before execution.
If someone had a misunderstanding like I had, it's a big thing. Worse, it wasn't a misunderstanding. It was true and something not everyone chose to agree upon and control the decisions of concerning others, letting them think the other person is guilty and letting them be queasy about it.
If someone had a misunderstanding like I had, it's a big thing. Worse, it wasn't a misunderstanding. It was true and something not everyone chose to agree upon and control the decisions of concerning others, letting them think the other person is guilty and letting them be queasy about it.
Understanding Me
It's interesting when someone understands you. I don't get it, though. If everyone is so adamant I did something wrong, how can this be? No one understands me, mostly. It's a bit strange. I suppose I lived life away from my own parents with all I had with school and stuff. It's funny when that's "what" someone does. That might be a bit touchy. It's too bad when something important goes wrong...
Senseless
I guess if you hurt yourself once, you don't hurt yourself again because that part of you is already numb.
It's not an excuse for everything.
When will people learn it's not an excuse for everything? I mean that 2 parents wanted me to call their 2-year-old daughter the "n" word.
I guess it was thought that people were being bad like me, which I wasn't in what I actually thought was wanted, and that it wasn't acceptable. I don't mean doing the same bad thing. I just mean also being bad. Before, it seemed everything was right but me. It doesn't consume me.
I suppose some people still see the facts like it's true. Perhaps, I was right that people thought using curse words was fun. People are letting people get away with racism and all sorts of things. I don't understand that. They should tell people not to do that but not punish them for it if they never correct them because maybe they don't know. How can people see me as good when others don't? It's like the higher up you go, the more people want to make an excuse to prove me innocent.
I guess it was thought that people were being bad like me, which I wasn't in what I actually thought was wanted, and that it wasn't acceptable. I don't mean doing the same bad thing. I just mean also being bad. Before, it seemed everything was right but me. It doesn't consume me.
I suppose some people still see the facts like it's true. Perhaps, I was right that people thought using curse words was fun. People are letting people get away with racism and all sorts of things. I don't understand that. They should tell people not to do that but not punish them for it if they never correct them because maybe they don't know. How can people see me as good when others don't? It's like the higher up you go, the more people want to make an excuse to prove me innocent.
How You Look
Just because you feel too old compared to someone else doesn't mean you look as classic or old-fashioned because you want to when you don't.
Dealing With It
So, what? Does everyone think it's so important that some people wanted me to call their 2-year-old daughter the "n" word that they have to react like they're mad at me when I'm not the one who wanted it?
Younger Fathers
Hm... I've been thinking.
I feel a little disgusting as a person.
I guess I would be different if I had a different mom. I feel like I'm separating the facts, now. I don't like being treated like I'm a sexed up version of my dad. I'm his daughter. I function like a kid. I didn't do the things he did. He's not a kid.
I feel a little disgusting as a person.
I guess I would be different if I had a different mom. I feel like I'm separating the facts, now. I don't like being treated like I'm a sexed up version of my dad. I'm his daughter. I function like a kid. I didn't do the things he did. He's not a kid.
This has gone too far.
So, people are training their kids to go against me? Not all are. I think I have Orlando spellbound with my sensation of attractive-ness.
Tied Up
I guess people got tied up in their thinking of me and so are unable to get me into new trouble in how I act and think.
Hm.
People are being nicer to me, anyway. I guess I was right. I'm staying out of weird things. I have a lot to learn in decision-making.
Someone to Follow
If this 1 poster didn't delete himself, I would have always had someone to talk to.
Visions - Concerned
I'm concerned about where the 2 visions I got came from. I should have known the 2 parents were wrong in literally wanting me to call their 2 or 3 year old daughter the "n" word. I had a vision 1st of the father literally wanting me to do that in a certain way, like it felt physical when I thought it, the person, and then I envisioned the mother upon reading that post, except with her I know exactly how it goes.
Actually
Actually, someone posted something and made me think that. Good thing I check out what people are posting on the boards I post at. I seem to be getting popular for once in my life.
Oooh.
I'm trying to be interesting. Wait, why did I say that!
Anyway, I realized that the person really did want me to use the "n" word against them if at all possible, but here's the secret. This person wanted me to call the daughter that, who was like 2. So, how do I feel now and what makes my crime so punishable? It was online, not face to face, and I deleted it, and it wasn't even on their board nor with my main of my many accounts.
Anyway, I realized that the person really did want me to use the "n" word against them if at all possible, but here's the secret. This person wanted me to call the daughter that, who was like 2. So, how do I feel now and what makes my crime so punishable? It was online, not face to face, and I deleted it, and it wasn't even on their board nor with my main of my many accounts.
Trying to Get a Job at Disney
I tried to. They said I wasn't outgoing enough and seemed to think I couldn't get a research job.
Big Cities in Rural Areas
I just realized that these places are upstanding and go for the ideal in modern for some reason I don't get. I think it's a lie and made up.
Crying
Not really, but I felt wanter inside my eyes.
How could anyone really know what I did wrong? I'm guessing I'm punished, but I'm too old to be affected by that. I can be affected, though, and I am.
I guess it's already in place who I am. I guess it would affect someone to know what I'm doing and feel they'd do the same thing. I think a lot of people feel that. Most people aren't nice about it then, though. I just had to learn the hard way.
I suppose it would be tacky not to go on to something else. So, what led up to this disrespect? Okay, okay. So, I came back to Orlando from college in New Orleans sometimes, having moved because of the hurricane. I went to Sea World, and I saw this cute sting ray bite another one that could have attacked it. From then on, I started attacking with bad words in a funny way that fit in. For some reason, I got into trouble. I spent money my parents gave me. That's what really started it. Then, one thing led to another. Then, there's this, that, and the other thing. I hit the wall, I mean not bad but once. I don't remember if that was before or after, but probably before, I thought Johnny Depp wanted to be called "stupid." He just acted like it. I didn't want to but got mad and thought he was racist. No one saw, though. I posted it on a board I made for him, and it showed no visitors. What harm is that? It's wrong I did it. Anyway, other than things like that, I seem to have forgotten all I've done. That sting ray is probably dead now. It was so cute. I've lost a lot of opportunities online. College is a bit scary now that I think of all the ghosts I'm seeing. I wish I just stayed home now.
How could anyone really know what I did wrong? I'm guessing I'm punished, but I'm too old to be affected by that. I can be affected, though, and I am.
I guess it's already in place who I am. I guess it would affect someone to know what I'm doing and feel they'd do the same thing. I think a lot of people feel that. Most people aren't nice about it then, though. I just had to learn the hard way.
I suppose it would be tacky not to go on to something else. So, what led up to this disrespect? Okay, okay. So, I came back to Orlando from college in New Orleans sometimes, having moved because of the hurricane. I went to Sea World, and I saw this cute sting ray bite another one that could have attacked it. From then on, I started attacking with bad words in a funny way that fit in. For some reason, I got into trouble. I spent money my parents gave me. That's what really started it. Then, one thing led to another. Then, there's this, that, and the other thing. I hit the wall, I mean not bad but once. I don't remember if that was before or after, but probably before, I thought Johnny Depp wanted to be called "stupid." He just acted like it. I didn't want to but got mad and thought he was racist. No one saw, though. I posted it on a board I made for him, and it showed no visitors. What harm is that? It's wrong I did it. Anyway, other than things like that, I seem to have forgotten all I've done. That sting ray is probably dead now. It was so cute. I've lost a lot of opportunities online. College is a bit scary now that I think of all the ghosts I'm seeing. I wish I just stayed home now.
Ghost
2012-05-07 - 2:54 A.M. - I was typing at my computer about how I thought someone wanted me to call them stupid and I didn't but got mad when I thought they were racist. I saw a white fuzzy irregular circle float at a downward incline above my computer screen. It looked like some of the ghosts they show frequehtly on "Ghost Adventures" that try to blend in as dust.
Ghost
2012-05-07 - night - I was jogging and know when I was looking down I saw a black figure. It was big and was like a rectangle with a triangle cut out with two triangles on the side sticking out at the top and bottom. For some reason, I have the illusion that the top and bottom are small, like 1 1|2 feet. It might have been 10 feet long and 5 feet wide. This startled me. It gave me the feeling of it like quickly bouncing from side to side. It was quite black. I really saw this.
Ghost
2012-05-07 - night - I was jogging and know when I was looking down I saw a black figure. It was big and was like a rectangle with a triangle cut out with two triangles on the side sticking out at the top and bottom. For some reason, I have the illusion that the top and bottom are small, like 1 1|2 feet. It might have been 10 feet long and 5 feet wide. This startled me.
Movie Star
What would be nice about being a movie star would be that I could take a break. I can't see myself wanting to be in more than 1 movie every year or 2.
More Generous
Because of my looking into my problems, people seem to have like backed off. It's a wonder what's come over me. I think people are getting tired of bothering me with not thinking. Maybe, the food is helping.
I don't like 2-sided things.
I wonder why doing bad things is considered cool but is cause for alarm. I don't mean very bad things, just things that aren't good.
My Nose
I guess, sometimes, my nose looks big, and, sometimes, my nose looks smaller. At least it's a strong nose. }:] You know what I'm thinking.
I think I just lined up my "evening."
I don't know what I will do for a purpose in life tonight, though. Maybe, my shower'll do it. Why not sing?
The Problem
The problem is just that I thought someone wanted me to call them the "n" word! I know I'm always right. I was set straight as a baby.
Me Not Thinking
That's funny. I don't think that's possible. I know who in my life thought up that one for thinking someone wanted me to call them the "n" word. Like, I'm surrounded by this aura that I can't process anything unless it's for unraveling a criticism. I've learned not to curse, but this world is just impossible.
I just watched a bunch of episodes of "The Ellen Degeneres Show."
I watched all the episodes with Reese Witherspoon. I don't mean to be too forward, but Reese Witherspoon was born in New Orleans because her father was going to school there. She moved to Germany for 4 years and then Tennessee. Ellen Degeneres is from a suburb of New Orleans. I lived in a suburb of New Orleans when I was 12-19. It hasn't shaped who I am much. Well, Ellen Degeneres moved to Texas when she was 16 but went to college in New Orleans. So did I, but I didn't finish and we moved because of the hurricane. So, I was pretty much as mature as I ever was when I was 11. I wonder if it's because I moved that I stopped. I did change and have personal experiences, but I was alone a lot. I felt identity-less. I ended up looking like different types of stereotypes as the years went on. I did develop as an adult there and got into personality, like from books, because in Florida before I moved I got into the quizzes in popular magazines. I started things like theater and got back into some ballet. I was very busy in high school, but I wish I weren't, now. It was kinda worth it, but I should have not stopped eating healthily in high school. I think my mom tried to stop me, but I was unstoppable. I thought the little lunches they sold were cute, and I never had the main meals in the cafeteria because I had clubs at lunch. The main ones I hold onto in memory are drama and laureate, which were quite awesome the 1st year, for me, actually. Things were sorta okay the 1st year, but I wasn't into the right things. I followed my roots of liking all the arts and became a romantic type, actually. 1 saving grace is my holding onto my nasally voice. I think I've always had 1. It's just an attractive way to be, and I'm selfish enough to achieve it is all. No one takes me seriously, though. Maybe, that's why. I sometimes try to sound like I can get out of it, but I can't. It's a real stuck thing. I don't play with it alone, neither. I think if I never moved to the New Orleans area that I would be playing with it right now. Okay, I'm back. What was I talking about?... Oh, yes, New Orleans. So, I don't know what train of thought I was on. I guess my problem was always food. I dieted when I was almost 16. It was hard. I ate like natural foods and stuff. I did get pretty skinny. I had another phase of being healthy when I was 18 and 19, too. I ate a lot when I was 18 of healthy food. When I was 19 and home from college for the summer, I slimmed up some even more. I was getting more sleep. I came home from college and got more sleep later on, but I had gained a lot of weight from doing ballet instead of the gym and not eating extremely healthy. So, anyway, I guess I needed more food, but I was was 16 and wanted to be a princess, not a tomboy. I guess I should have just eaten more healthily more often and changed my schedule to something else. My mom made good supper. She packed me good lunches, too. I lost a lot of sleep so at the time didn't prepare my own food much.
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