Sunday, May 6, 2012
A Little Less Social
I had something happen in my sleep that made me not feel the same. I guess it's similar to what I experienced when I was awake. I just feel a little less social. I do still feel like interacting and thinking. It's just different. I feel inhibited in what I do. It's fine. I just have to deal with it.
Why do people think something "needs to 'happen?'"
It's because they are caught in guilt, ironically. I guess it just keeps getting worse and worse. What can that mean for the people on top, that life has become purposeless and period-based?
What can we do about the situation?
Things were okay before, but sometimes they are a little annoying.
People seem to forget what they just said.
I don't really want to come off as mean...
Anyway, I don't know. I try not to let things get to me.
I was about to do something else today, too.
Anyway, I don't know. I try not to let things get to me.
I was about to do something else today, too.
Why do people think something is happening to me?
I am fine with what happened. I just don't like the way people have turned and treated me. I bet people think I deserve this. I bet they're even glad it happened. I feel uncomfortable, anyway, though.
People act like none of this ever happened.
People just act like none of this ever happened and start to act mean toward me, like there's something I did wrong that they don't want to deal with and that they'd even prefer to let me do it then have to intervene.
Cursing
It is also true, I know, and others should already have known that I was already taught to let lose and use words like "stupid." Also, people were being racist to me.
People acted like it would be heaven if I used curse words because I could use them in attractive ways, not disgusting ways. This was like a big dream. I know it. People thought I wasn't okay. That set with me awhile. People weren't all nice to me, and I got called to the counselor and kicked out of my major.
People acted like it was just a cute way to be and a flaw. It set with me for many years. Then, I was told all this other stuff, like that it was good to be bad almost.
People acted like it would be heaven if I used curse words because I could use them in attractive ways, not disgusting ways. This was like a big dream. I know it. People thought I wasn't okay. That set with me awhile. People weren't all nice to me, and I got called to the counselor and kicked out of my major.
People acted like it was just a cute way to be and a flaw. It set with me for many years. Then, I was told all this other stuff, like that it was good to be bad almost.
I guess...
I guess I'll just keep looking prettier and improving in different ways. Eventually, I will have a place in the world. I'll get surprised at the good things that are bound to happen to me. Some of this stuff has really worn off, as well.
I guess.
I mean, I was willing to think outside the box in the process, but why did this have to happen?
The answer is not that a conspiracy exists, neither. I guess I just have to get used to it.
The answer is not that a conspiracy exists, neither. I guess I just have to get used to it.
So, what about...
So, what about this thinking I'm genius to think someone wanted me to call them the "n" word stop?
You can't torture me for that!
The reason I thought someone wanted me to do it is already proven. It proves that you can't torture me for that!
No Fair End in Site
It seems that the only answer is to make me suffer, but why not admit I thought someone wanted me to do it and that you're not supposed to torture people?
So, the main issue with me is...
...that it's not okay to feel sorry for me.
Some things do come up, like that other people are bad anyway and can't catch on and do bad things.
Some things do come up, like that other people are bad anyway and can't catch on and do bad things.
Taught to Feel the Guilt
I have a feeling people want me to be callous. Why can't people get this out of their minds? I guess it's what's important today. When bad things happen to me, people don't seem to care in the same way and definitely not at this scale. I am a bit bewildered. I know it's also so nothing bad happens to me, but I don't like this about me. I just wanted to be some obscure person online. I know there is no way that anyone even saw me do it other than one or two people I know kinda. I mean it's possible, though. It just didn't seem like it.
I am convinced.
I am convinced that just because I was nice enough not to think it was weird someone wanted me to call them the "n" word that I did it and that no one else would because they're too mean to think outside the box.
I was looking at a picture of how vulnerable I look in today's society. Only one thing is going on, you know, and it can't be fixed.
I was looking at a picture of how vulnerable I look in today's society. Only one thing is going on, you know, and it can't be fixed.
Hmm... ?:
I'm getting into trouble, I think 3 times now, for thinking of the word "kill," like to kill someone. People know. I grew up with everyone saying, "My mom's gonna kill me," so it just comes out. I've managed to twist my anger and it doesn't happen much. I don't think I've given people reason to want to kill me. Someone online said that, but we were in total rapport he wouldn't. I think it was an African-American boy. I just said, "You can't find me." This was on a virtual world chat place. For some reason, I haven't been getting that angry lately. There's so much in the past I wish I could alter. I think that would set me well, but I'm also taught not to look back like that. Nothing can happen now. It's kinda funny to think someone would want to kill me. It's just because of all the crazy ways people have been treating me since I thought someone wanted me to call them the "n" word, though. Okay, so, I guess it's true that people have been saying to use it in a friendly way, and that's what I did. There were no disgusting thoughts attached. If I had gotten more rest and were feeling better, though, I wouldn't do it because it's silly.
Why Oh Why
I'm thinking of all the things I did wrong. I wish I felt I was cool. Why did people act like I was such a bad person? I was so disturbed when I was called to the counselor at age 16 and kicked out of my major at age 19.
People even praise them.
They just feel sorry for who they are, you know, their background, history, and real life situation.
Big Bullies
People are always worried someone will decide they should poke into someone and suggest things that should never be suggested.
Helping Me Along
Well, it's become a big thing that if I make a point maybe it should be ignored still, though I think for some reason we don't have that problem as much anymore, like my thoughts day-to-day. It happens online, though, on IMDb. So, if someone helps me along in my "complaints," I guess that's reason for further analyzation.
Who am I? No, WHAT am I?
Am I just the product of thinking someone wanted me to call them the "n" word? I was getting up and at it when that happened. I guess it had to be included in my life. I've been good in a way, but I've had episodes, like not so bad lately though. Like, it's just I dunno, I don't even know if it's anything. I know this discipline existed before the incident. Why wasn't this a big deal before? I know the issue was floating in the air, and I think it's silly someone wanted me to do that. Really. It wasn't good for me, neither. It's only taken about 2 years, though, not 3 yet. That's hard to believe, but those 2 years mattered. Things are better for me healthwise now, somehow. I've had things happen, though. Like, things happen to me more than the curse words that have popped into my head recently, maybe.
I wonder how much I should regret going to college in New Orleans. I dunno. I just regret not taking 12 hours. I used to always post about what I wish I did. Let me get into it again.
I think even before I started, but I dunno, that it was said that Music Education is the hardest thing, and I was focusing on even more than just that. So, that rules out that dream. Basically, it's about performance and music education is more of a factory job.
Another nice thing I learned on my own was that the Bachelor of Music requires less general studies courses than the Bachelor of Arts in Music.
I'm thinking voice, but then I think of how I was recommended out of the College of Music. That's strange. I really went on a journey to another world when I did music up north during the hurricane semester. I don't regret anything I did other than going downhill in it because of my environment, like construction.
It's funny, there used to be a new building of the Music Communications Complex. Also, people often doubled in Communications and Theater. I guess I was set along the right path. I was too young, though, to realize what was good for me, for some reason.
Also, the ballet program was too much for too little. The college next to it, where I used to eat sometimes later on, had a dance major, but I just wanted ballet.
Now, it's a big thing that it's Theater Arts and Dance, too. The only dance program, though, is a minor in Ballet.
My mom told me my organ teacher asked why I didn't go into science. Also, my organ teacher said she'd keep teaching me organ. Later on, she said I could do whatever I want. She was from New Orleans but lived in the suburb where I lived. Her husband I think owned a hotel. She used to live in a popular neighborhood next to my piano teacher, who was in her 70s, from the Bronx, was Italian, and got certificates at Juilliard. When we had the adult choir party, though, she had a very expensive house. I think the rug over her bed was over a million dollars. I've never seen a place as nice as that. I think it all smelled like wine and made my head pump when I got home. I've never drank alcohol.
I know I took a hard course in high school and my grades dropped and I wanted to make up for it by doing honors in college, which turned out to be less work than non-honors courses. Major courses tend to be easier, too.
Voice would have been fun, but I don't want to be cut and sold into opera. I was thinking voice and ballet, but how would I take less courses that way? I guess it doesn't matter. That's what I wish I did, though I learned a lot from piano and organ.
So, here's the master plan:
Year 1 Semester 1
1. Recital Hour - 0 cr. hrs.
2. Freshman Voice Lab - 0 cr. hrs.
3. Major Ensemble - 1 cr. hr.
4. Voice - 2 cr. hrs.
5. Theory 1 - 4 cr. hrs.
6. Technology for Music Students - 0 cr. hrs.
7. Ballet - 3 cr. hrs. - I wish I dedicated my senior year of high school to ballet instead of splitting it up with gymnastics and music school. When I went to college, I was put in the 2nd & 3rd levels my 1st year.
8. Minor Ensemble - 1 cr. hr.
9. Honors General Studies - 3 cr. hrs.
10. Honors General Studies - 3 cr. hrs.
Total - 17 cr. hrs.
I guess I just had to lay off the sweets and pizza my 2nd year. I wonder if I could still fit in time to work out. I used to eat a lot of snacks, too, but healthy snacks like crackers and cheese.
So, that's enough of an idea for what I did.
I wonder how much I should regret going to college in New Orleans. I dunno. I just regret not taking 12 hours. I used to always post about what I wish I did. Let me get into it again.
I think even before I started, but I dunno, that it was said that Music Education is the hardest thing, and I was focusing on even more than just that. So, that rules out that dream. Basically, it's about performance and music education is more of a factory job.
Another nice thing I learned on my own was that the Bachelor of Music requires less general studies courses than the Bachelor of Arts in Music.
I'm thinking voice, but then I think of how I was recommended out of the College of Music. That's strange. I really went on a journey to another world when I did music up north during the hurricane semester. I don't regret anything I did other than going downhill in it because of my environment, like construction.
It's funny, there used to be a new building of the Music Communications Complex. Also, people often doubled in Communications and Theater. I guess I was set along the right path. I was too young, though, to realize what was good for me, for some reason.
Also, the ballet program was too much for too little. The college next to it, where I used to eat sometimes later on, had a dance major, but I just wanted ballet.
Now, it's a big thing that it's Theater Arts and Dance, too. The only dance program, though, is a minor in Ballet.
My mom told me my organ teacher asked why I didn't go into science. Also, my organ teacher said she'd keep teaching me organ. Later on, she said I could do whatever I want. She was from New Orleans but lived in the suburb where I lived. Her husband I think owned a hotel. She used to live in a popular neighborhood next to my piano teacher, who was in her 70s, from the Bronx, was Italian, and got certificates at Juilliard. When we had the adult choir party, though, she had a very expensive house. I think the rug over her bed was over a million dollars. I've never seen a place as nice as that. I think it all smelled like wine and made my head pump when I got home. I've never drank alcohol.
I know I took a hard course in high school and my grades dropped and I wanted to make up for it by doing honors in college, which turned out to be less work than non-honors courses. Major courses tend to be easier, too.
Voice would have been fun, but I don't want to be cut and sold into opera. I was thinking voice and ballet, but how would I take less courses that way? I guess it doesn't matter. That's what I wish I did, though I learned a lot from piano and organ.
So, here's the master plan:
Year 1 Semester 1
1. Recital Hour - 0 cr. hrs.
2. Freshman Voice Lab - 0 cr. hrs.
3. Major Ensemble - 1 cr. hr.
4. Voice - 2 cr. hrs.
5. Theory 1 - 4 cr. hrs.
6. Technology for Music Students - 0 cr. hrs.
7. Ballet - 3 cr. hrs. - I wish I dedicated my senior year of high school to ballet instead of splitting it up with gymnastics and music school. When I went to college, I was put in the 2nd & 3rd levels my 1st year.
8. Minor Ensemble - 1 cr. hr.
9. Honors General Studies - 3 cr. hrs.
10. Honors General Studies - 3 cr. hrs.
Total - 17 cr. hrs.
I guess I just had to lay off the sweets and pizza my 2nd year. I wonder if I could still fit in time to work out. I used to eat a lot of snacks, too, but healthy snacks like crackers and cheese.
So, that's enough of an idea for what I did.
Why can't I just ask...
...will I ever get better? I'm so dreadful of the way people around me are so schizophrenic.
Comfort
Does it give people more comfort to know that they gave up something they shouldn't have for something else?
I'm thinking also that knowing a balanced need is important, but some people have a desire for the extremes.
I'm thinking also that knowing a balanced need is important, but some people have a desire for the extremes.
Still Uncomfortable Around Me - Do I have to crack the case?
I just feel uncomfortable about being pried into. There was a reason I didn't feel like going home from college in New Orleans to Orlando where we moved after the hurricane. I guess this is it. Who knows what I would become if I were here. I still wish I came here and just secluded myself from the world. Time, please come back!
So, how did I get to where I am, today?
Okay, why do some people act impressed I called someone the "n" word because I thought they wanted me to? I'm always trying to improve. I know that things like this are considered cool, but I didn't want to do it really. It seems like on the other side|in the other way no one believes me. They think maybe that other people would be attracted to doing it. I guess people are impressed with how I dealt with the situation and sorry that I had to end up getting into it. I don't see how it had to happen and am confused as to who all made me do it. Why be against me in any way if you wanted me to do it? It's true, I don't believe calling someone the "n" word should really be a stain on someone's life. I think it's just an obscure term that people are coming to terms with by using it in a friendly way, saying, "'Sup, my nigga?" I get offended when I see people around me post things like that, but it doesn't happen often nor at all much on IMDb. People are picking at me because of what I did and how I didn't want to do it combined, I think.
Strict Parents
I did care that I was good, but I was. My parents seem to twist what I do and make it seem bad. I already twisted the meaning. A long time ago, you could do big things wrong.
I'm just surprised people actually care about things when my parents don't. I feel soo bad. I don't think they should be suggesting things to me when they think I should be more mellow. Why can't they learn to let go? I feel like I have good intentions and am sane myself, but I am wary to go out. I don't like the way people try to impress me by insulting me. That's quite stimulating, but I chose to ignore it.
I'm just surprised people actually care about things when my parents don't. I feel soo bad. I don't think they should be suggesting things to me when they think I should be more mellow. Why can't they learn to let go? I feel like I have good intentions and am sane myself, but I am wary to go out. I don't like the way people try to impress me by insulting me. That's quite stimulating, but I chose to ignore it.
I never really took a full break.
I lingered on like the Dark Shadows board. I dunno. It's hard to remember.
Sticking through is most important.
I wish I never took a break from IMDb. I feel like a seasoned jerk!
Satisfaction
I don't really like to be overly-stimulated. In some ways, I control how I feel. I'm thinking I shouldn't be so silly.
Funny, I had a bad night but am having a better day. I'm just glad I'm feeling better and know not what to do even more. I can't believe I followed through with that. Why do I feel totally different about it now?
Funny, I had a bad night but am having a better day. I'm just glad I'm feeling better and know not what to do even more. I can't believe I followed through with that. Why do I feel totally different about it now?
Animals
I realized the problem. People are all reacting now like crazy. That's why I feel like being alone for awhile.
Aha!
Maybe, I'll feel better, tomorrow, at least.
What's so interesting about me? I know I get interested in what I write. There's not much to talk about. I like thinking up abstract thoughts like this and have since I saw how I looked when I grew my bangs out, for some reason.
I'm guessing my parents were older than people who are older than me's parents were when we were born. That could explain older people thinking I'm so amazing and somewhat attractive. I don't know. I really don't look up to all people with older parents when we were born.
What's so interesting about me? I know I get interested in what I write. There's not much to talk about. I like thinking up abstract thoughts like this and have since I saw how I looked when I grew my bangs out, for some reason.
I'm guessing my parents were older than people who are older than me's parents were when we were born. That could explain older people thinking I'm so amazing and somewhat attractive. I don't know. I really don't look up to all people with older parents when we were born.
How can they?
People can't make me feel uncomfortable to live a normal life and try to prevent me from living a famous one.
How can this be?
I guess, it starts out that kids are allowed to do things. After that, an experience is supposed to happen. However, crazy people then feel sorry for people with older parents and only they can go along in society having already done what people with younger parents are set to do.
I guess I should be alone.
I'm thinking of how I was a baby in front of my parents. I'm beginning to be more closed up. It's just a preference I have ingrained and am allowed to do.
I dunno... Maybe, I could be around people, but not like a whole lot anyway.
I just have private thoughts and feel awkward. Maybe, I should wait a little. I dunno. Life does go on, I know. I feel a bit disgusting. I feel very mixed. I feel like I'm not mixed right, but I was trying to. It's just that people kept getting in the way and making me feel funny. I got tired of putting in so much effort. I feel pushed to do things I shouldn't be pushed to do.
I dunno... Maybe, I could be around people, but not like a whole lot anyway.
I just have private thoughts and feel awkward. Maybe, I should wait a little. I dunno. Life does go on, I know. I feel a bit disgusting. I feel very mixed. I feel like I'm not mixed right, but I was trying to. It's just that people kept getting in the way and making me feel funny. I got tired of putting in so much effort. I feel pushed to do things I shouldn't be pushed to do.
My "Announcement to the World"
I guess I'll just have to make the best of it. I'll try to act positively.
I'm also thinking of how people decide something is right just because they said so and they're older or something. I guess you could argue that there's a reason, but, sometimes, people do things because they're wrong, on purpose, maybe because of the situation.
I'm also wondering about the thing of parents's age. I never fully came to terms with the age of my parents, particularly my mom. I think it seems that people with younger parents or like a younger mom tend to be more awake at the initial part of what they do.
I'm also thinking of how people decide something is right just because they said so and they're older or something. I guess you could argue that there's a reason, but, sometimes, people do things because they're wrong, on purpose, maybe because of the situation.
I'm also wondering about the thing of parents's age. I never fully came to terms with the age of my parents, particularly my mom. I think it seems that people with younger parents or like a younger mom tend to be more awake at the initial part of what they do.
Tired of It
I'm tired of people rubbing off their conscience issues on me just because I thought someone wanted me to call them the "n" word, and, no, I wouldn't torture someone who did on purpose.
Reasons
So, I had a bad night and was a little snappy.
I forget what else I was gonna say. ,:[ It's not that I necessarily have to post it, at least, maybe.
I forget what else I was gonna say. ,:[ It's not that I necessarily have to post it, at least, maybe.
Bad Mood
I'm sick and tired of people throwing insulting feelings at others because of what they deem a mistake in what I do.
Vulnerable
I'm a bit upset. I figure that I have something in common with my parents. I am in a different position and find out what's cool and do it and that becomes me. I don't like the way I'm judged up against my parents all the time now. Particularly, I mean the way I think people would make fun of me being like my dad, at all.
Johnny Depp and as the Years Roll Along
I feel sorry for him. He's going to be 50 next year. He still looks young. He's not officially 50, yet. 50 isn't too old. I can't believe how old everyone is getting. I do miss when I was younger. I thought I was born too early, but now I feel I was born too late. I think I just made a lot of mistakes along the way. I cannot account that any of my college experiences, other than going downhill, were a mistake in and of themselves. I don't know what made me better. I had to go home and rest and get better. I wasn't totally attractive. I posted online, though, all the time, I mean really like all the time, since summer 2007. That's to make up for not doing anything before. I'm on a road to self-discovery. I just want things to go smoothly. I have a feeling I need more time alone. I do like singing, but right now I feel a bit inhibited. I might not later, though. I just have this feeling I'm so stressed and want everything to be right, but everything is based on the past. People do say to forget the past and in some sense do move on. I'm learning to deal with things more now, somehow, since my little incident last night. I don't know why or if that's the cause. I just feel better in my room doing things alone. That's what I'd done before. I started coming out only because I got so mad I threw my almost broken laptop against the wall and got sent to the mental hospital for throwing a rage. Sleeping helps, but I felt like waking up. Sometimes, I do like to be awake during the day. It's so nostalgic the days that have passed and all the mistakes I made that turned out to matter. The worst is when I thought someone wanted me to call them the "n" word online. People know and are getting over it, though. I think they're training me to have it ingrained in my head, how to respond about it. It's sort of getting brushed under the surface. I wonder if it'll come back up. I guess people are always forgiving, just concerned and flawed.
Talk Show Hosts...
...They are pretty cool. If I had kept up with the Joneses, I think I could be like Jay Leno. That's too bad. That stuff is important to me. I actually thought popular stuff was bad. So, now I'm just a wildflower.
Oh, to be more specific...
...She held up signs without looking, and someone had to do an impersonation on the spot. I can't believe the person doing the impersonations knew, as well. I did do some Quiz Bowl, but that was kind of impossible to succeed in. I knew stuff like My Fair Lady.
... I could never be a talk show host. The proof is Ellen DeGeneres.
In the last episode, they held up signs for her to guess. I'm guessing that's before my time. I have a feeling I wouldn't know what's considered popular for most of my time...
How?
How could you have done something more in not doing it?
I wonder if you could have a base for activity.
I wonder if you could have a base for activity.
The Precious Time
I thought that my time was pretty much bided, but I guess it's not so bad. It's always good to be on the ball. I just can't seem to get some things together. It's pretty funny.
I dunno... I'm pretty sad about a lot of things...
I dunno... I'm pretty sad about a lot of things...
Improvement??
I'm wondering how an improvement is when you take something for what it is, do something different, and then say you did the 1st thing better when in reality you didn't do it, at all.
Okay
I woke up and was staying in my room so my parents wouldn't see me. I just felt like staying out of their way.
Highlight if you want to read about how much I had to go to the bathroom: I had to pee so badly, though. I usually go pretty often. Anyway, I know I've been eating more in general, though I've lost my double chin partly from exercising. Anyway, I poo-ed like 9" x 1 3|4', which I never have before that much. That's probably why I didn't feel well last night. Arghhhhh! I feel better now, though I suppose the guilt shall follow.
Highlight if you want to read about how much I had to go to the bathroom: I had to pee so badly, though. I usually go pretty often. Anyway, I know I've been eating more in general, though I've lost my double chin partly from exercising. Anyway, I poo-ed like 9" x 1 3|4', which I never have before that much. That's probably why I didn't feel well last night. Arghhhhh! I feel better now, though I suppose the guilt shall follow.
I am getting older.
I think it will get better with time, as it has been since I've quit being this way.
Immunity
I wonder if I can immune myself from this ever happening again. I mean, I felt a lot better before.
I wonder if I could make myself feel really bad.
I just feel like I was so strangely perverted. I guess I do feel bad, in a way, since the thought came up. Ooh. This time, though, I don't think I shall recover.... I think, gradually, I will be made to feel better, though. I know the feeling won't last forever, for the rest of my life.
Waahhhhhh!
I feel so bad about last night. What if someone I look up to had the same experience? I don't know what to do!
I fixed the spelling...
...of "Northeastern Florida" in the pictures of me through the years website.
Dizzy
I thought of the word "dizzy" and as I was walking I felt like I was back in the New Orleans suburb. Like, I couldn't walk straight and felt something heavy at my head and swerved. It reminds me of the ghosts on "Ghost Adventures."
Comparing Things
You could compare the way you deal with values, rather than say something totally different is like the same thing.
This is very real.
In case you haven't guessed, I sense a disturbance in the force with American Pie.
Bravo
I wish I was into that record thing. Today, I learned to think through something. Bravo, me.
I mean, like, I never did anything bad like this and so forth.
I mean, like, I never did anything bad like this and so forth.
Good News
Anyway, I could have talked myself out of it. I had went through things enough that it wouldn't count. I pretty much stopped up without doing something. I pretty much don't have the ability to do certain things. I'm thinking maybe I could. That's the freaky part. Something freaky like this happened to me in my sleep, but I was the one who did it. I guess it wasn't all it was worked up to be.
Funny Feeling
I feel empty and like I could go to sleep.
I just had to take off my day clothes. I wanted to take a shower, too, though. I guess I'll go do my nails.
I'm in like a casual|sleep-wear.
I just had to take off my day clothes. I wanted to take a shower, too, though. I guess I'll go do my nails.
I'm in like a casual|sleep-wear.
The Root of the Matter
I am wondering about the difference of people with older and younger moms. 8o
So, like, if someone had an older mom than me, would they feel more or less tickled? I guess I mean, say, they were the same age. I always grew up thinking, well, people with older moms probably feel the same thing, just more. It does depend on how the mom is, with her personality and all. I guess I found people with younger parents loopier. Sometimes, I feel loopy. I figured my having parents's ages what they are that I fit in a certain place and then did something funny with my particular gap. I do feel a sense of continuity in who they are. When I think of my dad, I know, I feel like I'm older, but, then, when I thought of my mom I kept crossing myself up, which was a bit undignifying. It seems pretty powerful.
So, like, if someone had an older mom than me, would they feel more or less tickled? I guess I mean, say, they were the same age. I always grew up thinking, well, people with older moms probably feel the same thing, just more. It does depend on how the mom is, with her personality and all. I guess I found people with younger parents loopier. Sometimes, I feel loopy. I figured my having parents's ages what they are that I fit in a certain place and then did something funny with my particular gap. I do feel a sense of continuity in who they are. When I think of my dad, I know, I feel like I'm older, but, then, when I thought of my mom I kept crossing myself up, which was a bit undignifying. It seems pretty powerful.
Okay.
I fixed my backgrounds and profile pictures.
I don't want to do and think weird things again.
Actually, at the time, it seemed right. I don't think that could ever be right, but I think I am wrong because it has to happen.
I don't want to do and think weird things again.
Actually, at the time, it seemed right. I don't think that could ever be right, but I think I am wrong because it has to happen.
I think gay people...
...like children I was thinking because I know young girls are similar to young boys.
Quite
Okay, I know Florida is the ruler and all. Up north is so satisfying. It's beyond my imagination. After taking it down south, it sure is a lot....
Aaaaaaaaaaargh-------- I did it again!
The computer is quite stimulating. This is scary. I'm not breaking up that much! I hope I never do this again!!!!!
Imagining Myself Naked as a Baby ?8
Oh my! Imagine that. I'm a bit embarrassed to be around my parents. Something started to make me uncomfortable, 1 2 ...
I just had to because...
...I mean, why not? I do understand satisfying yourself too much over one person, but in reality you can never get enough of other people, you'd think.
So, I felt almost as though I didn't have to. I suppose I could reluctantly do it again. Something else though is I noticed I didn't have my female thing as heavily after not having it over a year on those meds. That really upset me because I thought I was something.
So, I felt almost as though I didn't have to. I suppose I could reluctantly do it again. Something else though is I noticed I didn't have my female thing as heavily after not having it over a year on those meds. That really upset me because I thought I was something.
It's Amazing!
I hope it's not the cheap psychiatric medicine I take for schizophrenia and bipolar all rolled into one.
I mean, I don't feel that queasy when I get stimulated, anymore. I just don't feel much and it's hard to do. It feels more on purpose and works more, though. I used to always stop up, but for some reason this time I didn't and it's pretty scary.
I mean, I don't feel that queasy when I get stimulated, anymore. I just don't feel much and it's hard to do. It feels more on purpose and works more, though. I used to always stop up, but for some reason this time I didn't and it's pretty scary.
Growing Up and Out of It
I guess I'm too old to be stimulated. I don't know what next. Some things I'm not supposed to do. I thought of not satisfying myself. I guess doing it too much to the same thing is a danger zone if it's a person.
Acting as a Role Model
I may seem empty, but I'm really not----
People are starting to see me as a bridge to the ideal.
People are starting to see me as a bridge to the ideal.
Did you know that-
Did you know that living up north is the best place for being satisfied without doing anything at all?
In places like the New Orleans area, you have to physically think about it. I was never satisfied in New Orleans. I did have funny moments. However, those moments were more stressful and long. Perhaps, also they weren't that deep.
In places like the New Orleans area, you have to physically think about it. I was never satisfied in New Orleans. I did have funny moments. However, those moments were more stressful and long. Perhaps, also they weren't that deep.
Orlando
It seems that it's very English.
They seem to think the same things at the same time. It did disturb me some, like my at first feeling of wanting to satisfy myself. I'm glad I'm growing up and not letting that silly stuff affect me.
I think, too, though, that maybe England is being copied by England, though. I don't know how they guess. I don't know. I don't feel uncomfortable about people reading into me without me saying nor doing anything to let them know what's going on. I tried to justify it as that you can't read a baby's mind, but then the thought of the baby being a higher plateau of thought came to mind.....
They seem to think the same things at the same time. It did disturb me some, like my at first feeling of wanting to satisfy myself. I'm glad I'm growing up and not letting that silly stuff affect me.
I think, too, though, that maybe England is being copied by England, though. I don't know how they guess. I don't know. I don't feel uncomfortable about people reading into me without me saying nor doing anything to let them know what's going on. I tried to justify it as that you can't read a baby's mind, but then the thought of the baby being a higher plateau of thought came to mind.....
I can satisfy myself, pretty easily now.
Well, I just happened to, actually, I think, honestly. I don't know why I decided to do it. I figured, I've done it before when I was more sane. It's not so bad when you're young. It was more of a decision, and the fleeting fancy left me after I was through. :|
You know, I never totally go. Sometimes, I'm close. I guess, this time, I kinda had it different. I actually felt something at the peak of it all. I never usually do, never actually. I seem to only do this frequently when I live in Florida. When I'm in other places, it's like once or few times spread out, actually.
I heard that drugs are bad for you and are illegal, so I'll probably never do them. I do like smoking, though don't, and would like drinking. How do people get home safely who drink? I probably never will....
You know, I never totally go. Sometimes, I'm close. I guess, this time, I kinda had it different. I actually felt something at the peak of it all. I never usually do, never actually. I seem to only do this frequently when I live in Florida. When I'm in other places, it's like once or few times spread out, actually.
I heard that drugs are bad for you and are illegal, so I'll probably never do them. I do like smoking, though don't, and would like drinking. How do people get home safely who drink? I probably never will....
Spoilers About Disney - Highlight to Uncover
Highlight:
So, I decided that I want to be the Wicked Witch of the West in The Wizard of Oz.
So, I decided that I want to be the Wicked Witch of the West in The Wizard of Oz.
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