Why I Thought Someone Wanted Me to Call Them the "N" Word Online

I think they really did.

I just know that I shouldn't have done it.

I don't understand, though.  If someone really wanted me to do that, then would it be nice if I didn't?  It seems later that it was not wanted, in general.  It was actually the caregivers, too, so the one I called the "n" word wasn't in fact in full consciousness of it.  They sent that vibe.  I don't understand, though, about me being picked at for posting online.  Supposedly, that was already going too far, whatever I posted that wasn't bad.  So, this was like quits.  I remember now that it seems like it was planned that I do that.  Now, people all around are so mean it's like I could die.  It's not funny.  I don't want to be picked on for something I though other people wanted me to do.  I think people have stopped.  It's just an uncomfortable situation.