Why

I knew people could tell what I was thinking, which is a talent I wished to attain.  I am also finding that people know about my past.  Maybe not so much they can tell from the past there is.  I know I've forgotten things.

I think it's more about the feeling self-destructive.  It goes hand in hand with my feelings of wishing harm on others taking affect.  I remember when I did that, but I wasn't in trouble because it was before I thought someone wanted me to call them the "n" word online.  What I mean by harm on others is an abstract feeling.  A bad example of something I did was, when I was in my bedroom, my dad and brother were making loud noises.  The noises being made recently I couldn't stand at all for some reason.  So, I took some knives, which were not the sharp kinds, from the kitchen and threw them in the room on the floor.  Lucky for me, I wasn't in much trouble.  I guess that's before I also got sent to the mental hospital for throwing things, but not like breakable things, and hitting the wall and screaming.

I just can't stand it when people are racist toward me.  I find that people with more insecurities tend to be the ones who are like that for some reason.

I was brought up to think I take out anger in my thoughts, but I used to not think of anything about hurting others, just mad thoughts but maybe meaning things like that people are so mean that they are worthless.  That's what I think of racist people who are no fun.  That's what I used to be like, but I had stopped that I think as I grew up and I went to college.